“I said I am trying.” My hands were on the door handle, not letting her slip through the doors. After all, I didn’t want this moment to slip through my fingers.
–Arjun, Chapter 22, Excerpt from Breaking My façade
But then she looked at me, measuring me up. After an unsuccessful beat, I had no other choice but to remove my hand from the doorknob, finally letting her go.
She opened the door but looked at me to offer a final piece of her mind. “Try harder.” And she left.
Try harder?
Should I bang my chest like Tarzan and tell her that I want her to be mine,
Or
Should I fall on my knees to confess all my bottled-up feelings for her?
Or
Should I unravel my entire screwed-up past?
God, No!
But I really have a very sick feeling that I am going to do all of that very soon, even if I hate myself for being vulnerable and weak in front of anyone.
Impressing someone, be it desirable or undesirable, be it defensive or aggressive, is taxing and exhausting.
If you are frustrated with the strategic approach to impressing someone, just watch this.
I bet you will feel better about yourself and find solace after watching the video.
Jokes apart, the video, a well-researched one, telecasted in National Geographic, is not just about male and female power (absolutely not about alpha males or females, please don’t subscribe to the irrational conceptual definitions of masculinity). The video reflects essential pointers on why impression management techniques are relevant for survival, sustainability, and self-discovery. Now, if you debate why you should watch videos about birds to understand human behaviours, then watch the video again, and you will understand the proximities and dissociations of human behaviours. You will understand why Impression Management techniques are so prevalent across the species. There is also another study that has found that urban birds are less fearful of humans, litter a lot, and pick food easily from garbage compared to birds in villages! When birds can learn from humans, I believe we can also learn a lot from them.
For instance, if you are a team leader and have planned a performance appraisal meeting for your subordinates, It is always better to first showcase their positive deliverables and then exhibit their shortcomings. One can also perceive this as a form of flattery. And flattery, in this case, is constructive. It will help your subordinate navigate the challenges smoothly without having the taste of a bitter pill.
If you would like to convince or influence your teammate/cross-team leader, it is better to go for rational persuasion (making logical arguments). Sometimes this economic impression management helps people impress or convince someone in the same hierarchy. Why? Because people in the same hierarchy may not easily buy your charm. They will have sharp eyes and smarter ways to push you back. So, better go with pointers that are factual, logical, and evidence-based.
Without self-promotion (trying to display one’s skills in public), you would neither get a job nor a promotion.
There are endless ways to impress; these are only a few entry tickets. This is not the space to detail out the entire framework. So, in a nutshell, what we can infer is that both leaders and followers can indulge in constructive impression management.
How can I not quote Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Prejudice’ when I am writing something about impression management? Mr. Darcy had everything in him to be proud—to not be receptive but to be completely in a galaxy devoid of mannerisms that reflected even a tinge of gentlemanly impressive tone. Of course, given the privileges, he was one shot of a pompous, broody, childly, and highly callous person. But how boring it would have been if he remained the same?! That’s when the goddess Jane Austen drops him into the world of Elizabeth Bennet, who crushes his callousness to dust. Throughout the rest of the story, you can see Mr. Darcy desperately trying a million techniques to exhibit himself in a different light.
That’s when his personality evolved and indulged in self-discovery.
That’s why the character became a celebrated and standout personality in English literature.
And that’s why the 18th-century Mr. Darcy still lives so vividly even in this digitally enticing 21st century.
And that’s why impression management need not always be portrayed as a submissive, gray, or unethical technique.
Disclaimer: All Opinions on the post are personal.
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